What is an interupted adoption? An interupted adoption is a politically correct phrase used in adoption circles to make people who were trying to adopt feel better about an adoption that has failed. It basically means prospective adoptive parents will remain prospective. (i.e. they won't get to take home a child).
At 9:00 AM this morning, Ashley, the birth mother, began to have second thoughts about adopting out Tristan. It wasn't that she had anything against us, but supposedly she only wanted to adopt him out initially because she wanted to party and he would cramp her style. After seeing Tristan, she believed she wanted to raise him. Who can blame her? He's a sweet baby. Without involvement by the birth father, no job, staying with a friend at her friend's parents house, she decided she would figure it out.
By this afternoon at 4:00 PM, it was confirmed and our adoption was officially "interupted".
So we're at home now, no child, and trying to figure out what to do. We're devastated.
I find that I am most introspective at extremely difficult times in my life. This is no different.
I learned 3 things through this ordeal.
1. Debbie and I are blessed. We have such a wonderful support group. We have jobs we love, friends who are irreplacable, an awesome family, and a wonderful house. We appreciate so much the prayers, calls, encouragement, and baby clothes from of all you, our friends and family. This is our 4th failed adoption after 2 fertility surgeries and mulitple fertility drugs over a 10 year period. Without you, we would be suicidal.
2. We finally have closure to a nagging question. To the question, "Why won't God allow us to have children?", we have struggled with answers. Several possible answers we have considered are:
a. Maybe God believes we don't deserve to be parents.
b. When God says, No and No and No and No. . . . maybe he simply means . . . No. No reason. Just no.
c. Wait.
d. Maybe God thinks we won't be good parents.
Option D is resolved in my mind. We had the opportunity to take care of a child for an entire day. It WAS just one day, but he was our child. Not just baby sitting. We had to change diapers, feed him a bottle, burp him, hold him, rock him, talk to him, comfort him, etc for a 24 hour period. We were worn out not just from being woken up every few hours, but from restless sleep for the past 4 weeks in anticipation of this day. Nonetheless, we did really well. Debbie was awesome. I did okay as a backup. But regardless, I thought we were good responsible loving Christian parents. So option D was taken out of the picture in my mind. Surely, God doesn't believe it because I don't. Option a thru c still remain options.
3. Generosity is okay. We spent a chunk of change on attorney's fees, meals, gifts, flowers, etc. We spent the last several days of our lives encouraging Ashley during her delivery process. We spent hours taking care of a child that ultimately wasn't ours. Our pastor spoke on generosity a year or two ago. It's really impacted my attitude regarding my personal finances. Nevertheless, we could be bitter. We could be angry at Ashley and God. We could feel betrayed and used. We will feel hurt and will grieve over this loss more deeply than anything in our lives. BUT . . . . For 24 hours, I was a father. For 24 hours, I had a son. For 24 hours, we were parents. For me, . . . it was worth it.
Please continue to remember us in your prayers as we work through this loss. We would have called all of you instead but found out really quick that it's difficult to answer questions when you can't talk because you're too emotionally broken up. We're praying for guidance to determine if we think God simply means No. This will probably be the last entry in this blog unless something else develops.
The picture above is Ashley (the one in the hospital bed) and her best friends. She still hasn't had any contractions. Our last update is they will start her on Petosin(sp??) in 5 more hours (10:00PM). Supposedly, it's the more aggressive drug to help induce her. New timeframes on baby birthing is from tomorrow afternoon to Friday.
